Break my Mind
by myshoesarecrocs
Summary: In that moment, she looked like an angel. In that moment, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Saeran/MC
1. Chapter 1

_**Usually I have my author's note at the end of each chapter, but I thought I better do this one before. I want to put a trigger warning with this chapter because there's talk of suicide and I don't want anyone to be alarmed.**_

 _ **Why is there talk of suicide? Because I'm an angsty piece of crap that loves writing angsty things and how people cope and heal from it. I also feel like Cheritz did a good job with setting up Saeran to be the angsty character, so here we are.**_

 _ **I also didn't give her the usual MC title, I switched it up a bit, because this is Saeran's MC. I don't picture her as the usual, so I just wanted to switch it up!**_

 _ **I've started adding in my playlist in my other stories, so with this chapter, I listened to the Fryderyk Chopin radio on Pandora. Every now and then I switched to Trap Rap radio, but I can't concentrate as well with that one because I'm too busy picturing myself as a balla. Sorry, I'll shut up now.**_

 _ **Until next time!**_

* * *

The wind always was more intense at the top of a building. Down below it could be gentle and smooth, but almost always, it was harsh and bitingly cold when high up. It would lull and then come back in full force, as if urging the figure perched on the ledge to actually lean forward like they sometimes wanted to.

It wasn't really that they wanted to die, but rather that they didn't want to live. There wasn't anything fulfilling about their life. They'd lost purpose, and it was no one's fault but their own. It was their decisions that lead to the mistakes that just couldn't be forgotten. The people they now surrounded themself with told them that it wasn't their fault, that they didn't hold them responsible, but they didn't miss the way those people's eyes darkened as they looked away.

No, those people lied. He'd grown up being told they were liars, and even though he realized that whatever those lies were weren't true, they were liars in other ways. No matter how many times they assured him that he was one of them, he knew he never truly would be.

Saeran Choi watched the tiny figures of people walking below him, bathed in the golden glow of the streetlamps. They seemed like little ants moving up and down their tunnels, and he was the scientist analyzing their movements. But in reality, he was the bug under inspection.

He'd been out of the hospital for a year already, but sometimes he still felt the drug's effects on him. It wasn't really there, he knew it had gotten out of his system long ago, but the psychological effects hadn't. No amount of medicine could make him forget the things he'd done, and no amount of therapy could take away the bitterness he felt toward himself.

The wind whipped around him again, sharp with the bite of winter. He pulled his crimson jacket further around his shoulders, burying his mouth and nose in the fur collar. The light from down below didn't really penetrate his perch on top of the building. It was the perfect representation, he thought. The rest of the world went on in the light, while he watched from the shadows. It was how it would always be.

Saeran came up to this rooftop often. It was the tallest building in his area, with the best view of the city, and of the night sky. When his brother, Saeyoung, had brought him home and given him his own room, Saeran had finally been able to have his own space. He had the freedom to do whatever he wanted with it, so he'd gotten a bookshelf, and enough books to fill it. Among those books were ones of astronomy. He'd memorized every constellation, every major star, in the sky, and went to that building to map them.

Now that winter was in full swing, he didn't come there much. That night in particular was another of his rough nights. The ones where he felt particularly useless and insignificant in the world. He let his feet dangle toward the street far below, and not for the first time since he'd come there, he wondered what it would feel like to fall. Would he be scared? Or, more worryingly, would he feel nothing at all? And, most importantly, would he regret it?

Of course he would. Saeran regretted every decision he'd ever made in his life, so it was only natural that would be one. The image of his brother's fiancé, MC, flashed in the back of his head, and he squeezed his eyes shut. It figured that she would come to his mind then, she always did when thoughts of harm threatened to become reality. She was the only one keeping him from doing it, despite the fact that she was also the one who put those ideas in his head.

It wasn't her fault, which was typical of Saeran's every day struggles. His fucked up head still wasn't clear, no matter the many treatments and medications he'd undergone. He knew he shouldn't, but by everything that was good in the world, he loved her. He loved MC with every fiber of his being, but so much like the twist of fate that liked to mock him, she loved his twin instead. The man with the same face as him.

He couldn't be surprised by it, he'd lived with knowing that his brother was better than him for his entire life. And just when he thought that maybe, just maybe, he could do something better than him, the world would remind him that he couldn't. He'd found MC first, fallen in love with her before she'd even met 707, and yet he'd allowed their romance to flourish. He'd watched from the other side of the computer screen as his brother slowly won her over, and there was nothing he could have done.

But no amount of times that thoughts of his death came to his head, the images of the sidewalk rushing closer to him before darkness, could make him block out the tears MC would likely shed. She'd cried because of him far too many times. So there he was, Saeran Choi, seated atop the roof of a building, so worthless that he couldn't even lean forward the few centimeters it would take to end his miserable existence.

Gradually snowflakes began to lightly fall around him, standing out in contrast to his crimson hair as they caught in it. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to glance at the time and grimaced as he saw how late it was. He didn't plan on staying out that long, but the crushing weight of his depression had rooted him to the spot. Even the ants on the sidewalk had turned in for the night.

He sighed, his breath trailing up in the air above him, disappearing as the wind rushed across the rooftop again. Just as he was about to rise to his feet, he heard the door to the roof screech open. His mint gaze fell upon a slight figure in a tattered blue jacket, a darker blue hat pulled down over raven locks that fell to the small of their back. The petite frame and hair gave away the fact that it was a woman, but the dirt on her face and oversized jacket obscured any femininity she possessed.

He stayed silent, watching her curiously as she looked around the dark space, and then journeyed to the ledge. Saeran was surprised she hadn't seen him, what with his fiery hair and equally neon jacket, no matter how dark it was. She leaned forward slightly, looking down at the street below. Eventually, she carefully stepped up onto the ledge that he himself was seated on.

Suspicion of her intent compelled him to swing his legs back to the safety of solid cement, and he silently crept toward her. She spread her arms like she was waiting to embrace someone, her breath swirling around her as the wind unmercifully coaxed her forward. He saw her start to lean.

Saeran didn't know what possessed him in that moment, if it was the fear that stabbed his stomach, or the recognition of himself in her that gripped his heart, but he bolted forward, shouting, "Wait!"

The girl jumped, twisting to look back at him as she fell forward. Saeran could only remember that moment in slow motion, the way her hat flew from her head to allow her hair to flow like a halo around her. As she passed the ledge of the building, whatever light that made it that high from down below illuminated the tears on her face. In that moment, she was an angel. In that moment, she was the most beautiful thing Saeran had ever seen.

Pain spread through his abdomen as the rough cement tore open his stomach, his jacket having ridden up with his outstretched arm. His fingers had managed to catch the girl's wrist, and her weight pulled him relentlessly against the building. He spread his legs, crushing his knees against the jagged cut of the four foot wall that served as a barrier to the rooftop, to keep from falling himself.

The girl stared up at him in shock, as if not comprehending that she was dangling over forty stories. He struggled to keep his grip on her slim wrist, trying to pull her up with whatever upper body strength he could muster.

"You-" She said, and then, realizing her predicament, clasped onto his wrist as well.

Finally, mustering his strength, Saeran pulled, using his already bruised knees as leverage. Once she was past the ledge, he wrapped his arms around her torso to pull her back to safety. He stumbled as the momentum carried him backward, and he fell, pulling her with him.

They laid in silence, Saeran's chest heaving as the snow continued to fall around them. His eyes traveled down to the girl who was still sprawled over his body, her head resting on his chest. She was shaking, which he didn't blame her for, but then he saw the dampness on his jacket. Her shoulders weren't shaking from the fear she'd obviously had, but rather, the sobs that were now starting to escape her mouth.

He sat up on his arms, watching as she continued to cry against him. He knew those tears, knew the pain in her chest that allowed the sobs to escape, and so he only sat there until she quieted. After a few minutes of silence, she pulled away from him, resting back on her knees.

Now that he was able to see her up close, he could see the large grey eyes that were swollen and red from crying. The tears had left streaks down her cheeks, clearing away the dirt from their trail. Her hair was clumped from days, or possibly weeks, of going unbrushed, and she smelled just about as bad as she looked.

They stared at each other for a long while, neither seeming to know what to say. Finally, the girl yielded first, and said, "Um…" She swallowed, "I don't know what to say."

That wasn't what he was expecting.

"Why?"

Her eyes widened slightly, "What?"

Saeran sat up straight, crossing his legs, "Why did you do that?"

She looked back at him indifferently, "I was trying to kill myself."

"I know that," he snapped back, "but why?"

"Because I didn't think anyone was up here."

"No, you're not getting what I'm asking." He pinched the bridge of his nose. It was like talking to his brother in a female body, "Why would you kill yourself?"

"That's…" She looked away, "None of your business."

He didn't miss that tone. It was the same tone he'd used before when MC tried to lift the walls he'd built around himself. He knew that she wouldn't tell him, and he knew, unlike others, that he shouldn't press the matter. Instead, he sighed and rose to his feet, holding out his hand, "Well come on, then."

She looked up hesitantly, "Where are we going?"

"I'll walk you home."

Her eyes clouded over and she shook her head, hiding her face in the collar of her old jacket, "There is no home for me."

Saeran's hand faltered for a moment as memories of his childhood swept him up, "Then where do you live?"

She looked up at him.

* * *

"Here?" Saeran asked in amazement, covering his mouth and nose with the crook of his arm. They were standing outside an old, what looked like, abandoned building. The smell wafting out of the broken out windows was that of urine and mildew, and he was no longer curious as to why she herself smelled so bad. "This looks like a crack house."

"It is." She said simply, looking up at the brick building, "But it has a roof and is full of people whose body heat keeps it warm for the most part. They're all usually tweaked out, so I don't worry much about my safety either."

Saeran arched his eyebrow, "But still…"

"Well," She turned to him and bowed in thanks, her dirty hair falling forward from around her shoulders, "thank you for walking me home. Next time I'll make sure no one is up there so I don't inconvenience them."

His eyes widened and something in his chest constricted. She…thought that she had inconvenienced him? And she was going to try it again? He watched her step toward the building.

"Wait."

The feeling of iron restraints weighting down his wrists, the stinging of his mother's abuse, the pains as he starved alone in a dark room, the utter emptiness, caused him to reach out and grab her wrist like he had on top of the building. She paused, turning her head to look back at him.

He was surprised with himself in that moment, his body moving without his permission. He was silent in his surprise, and then the hand that held hers fell to his side, "Come back to my house. You can have a shower and get some food. Maybe a real bed."

Her mouth opened slightly, and he could see that she wanted to, but instead said, "You've done enough for me tonight."

He frowned, "It's not my house, actually, it's my brother's. So you can't even say that you would be inconveniencing me."

She turned to look at him, clasping her hands in front of her, "You…don't think he'd mind?"

"Trust me, Saeyoung is the most understanding and patient human being on this earth." Saeran muttered, thinking back to all of the times he'd lashed out at him. To the time he'd wanted to kill him and had the chance. Saeyoung still didn't hold that against him.

Her eyes brightened for the first time that night, and her lips quirked into a half smile, "Really?"

Saeran shrugged, "Only if you want."

The snow was still falling as they made their way to Saeran's house. His head was tipped up to watch it come down, their shoes crunching it with every step. The girl cleared her throat after a while, making him glance at her out of the corner of his eye. She met his mint gaze, "What's your name?"

"I didn't tell you?" He asked, somewhat amazed with himself, "It's Saeran."

She smiled, "Nice to meet you, Saeran. My name is Emcee."

His eyes widened, "Emcee?"

"Yep." She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, opening her mouth to catch snowflakes, "Weird isn't it?"

He shook his head, "My brother's fiancé's name is MC."

"Wow, really?" Her face lit up in excitement, "I didn't think anyone else had the same name as me."

"You might meet her, but she might be asleep already."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and Emcee watched in utter amazement as Saeran unlocked Saeyoung's extensive security system. He held the door open for her, and then passed her in the hall as she looked around the space in wonder, "This place is fancy."

"It's a dump if you ask me." He muttered, walking into his bedroom to grab some of his clothes.

"It's better than a crack house."

He paused for a moment, mentally kicking himself for his comment. Of course the place was nicer than a crack house, it was nicer than the prison he'd lived in for so long, too. Without a second thought about it, he came back out and handed her a pair of black sweatpants and a blue shirt, "Here, you can wear this while I put your clothes in the washer. The shower is right in there."

She twisted to look in the direction he pointed, and then took the clothes from him, "Thank you, Saeran."

A door opened up behind him, and both he and Emcee turned to find a woman with chestnut hair rubbing her eyes from both sleepiness and the light, "Saeran? What are you doing up so late?"

"I could ask you the same thing, MC." He said, quieter now that he knew he'd woken her up.

MC blinked at the sight of the unfamiliar person in the room, "Who's this?"

Saeran stepped back to allow her to see the other woman better, "Her name is Emcee, she needed a place to stay for the night."

"Wow," MC grinned, making his heart leap, "I've never met anyone with the same name as me."

"That's what I said." Emcee responded.

"I'll make you something to eat while you're in the shower." Saeran said, "Take your time."

Both he and MC watched her go, and once the door was shut, MC crossed her arms, "She looks rough. Do you know her?"

"In a way." He commented, seeing much of his pain in the other woman's eyes, "I met her on top of a roof and told her I'd walk her home. I didn't know 'home' was a crack house."

MC cocked her head, "Does she…?"

He shook his head, "In her words, it was a roof and a warm place."

"Jeez." MC whispered, "No wonder she smelled and looked so bad. Poor thing."

Saeran moved past her, catching the whiff of her shampoo, and started to rummage around for some food. MC appeared by his side, helping him find something to make her. In the end, they whipped up some eggs and bacon. MC sat on the counter behind him, watching as he flipped the sizzling meat, "So, you said she doesn't have anywhere to go?"

"Nope, that's why I offered for her to stay here tonight." He said, taking a drink of the orange juice he'd poured for himself.

"Hmm." MC hummed to herself, "I'm sure Saeyoung wouldn't mind if she stayed here until finding a proper home."

He glanced back at her, "You don't even know the girl."

"Neither do you." She shot back, "I'm actually surprised with you, Saeran. I didn't think you'd do something like this on a whim."

He looked away, remembering the sight of Emcee falling from the building. "Yeah. Me either."

The door to the bathroom clicked open, and Emcee walked out into the living room holding her dirty clothes. MC hopped off the counter and held out her arms, "Here, I'll take those and wash them for you."

Saeran felt his eyes widen at the sight of Emcee. Now that she was clean, and her hair was no longer in a clump, she looked more like a girl. Actually, she looked every bit as beautiful as she had in that moment on the roof. He tore his gaze away, not wanting to burn his bacon.

"You don't have to do that." Emcee said shyly.

"I insist. If you take a shower, you can't put dirty clothes back on, that's the rules of cleanliness." MC took them from the other woman, wrinkling her nose as soon as they were in her arms, "On second thought, maybe we should just get rid of these."

Emcee's eyes widened, "I-I don't have anything else!"

MC winked, "That's what plastic money cards are for, dear."

Saeran smiled to himself. That was just like her to be kind to someone she'd just met. It was one of her endless redeeming qualities that had made him fall in love with her. He watched them speak to each other, Emcee's animated worry and MC's caring smile. It was infectious, and he knew that sooner or later the smaller woman would have to yield.

She did in the end, after MC told her she'd buy her the cheapest clothes she could find.

"Here." Saeran sat a heaping plate of eggs and bacon in front of Emcee.

She made a delighted noise and looked up at him, "All of this?"

He arched an eyebrow, "'All'? That's half of what I usually eat."

"That's cause you and Saeyoung eat like horses." MC muttered, "Don't worry about a thing, Emcee, eat as much as you want."

Tears pooled in her eyes, "T-thank you both so much."

After she was finished, Saeran lead her to his bedroom, where he flicked on the lights, revealing a nearly spotless room. She stood next to him in the doorway, her hands clutched at her chest, "I can sleep on the couch-"

"Don't be an idiot and just sleep in my bed." He interrupted, "It's not like I've never slept on a couch before."

He watched her climb into bed and then sat down on the edge next to her. The door was only cracked slightly, and he thought he'd seen MC go back into the room she shared with his brother. Looking down at her as she adjusted herself, he asked, "You still won't answer me, will you?"

"About what?" She asked.

"Why you wanted to do it."

Her eyes drifted to his hand at her side, lost in thought, "No."

He shrugged, "Whatever. I'll be on the couch if you need anything."

"Wait." For the first time that evening, she was the one to reach out to him. He was standing, but half bent back as her hand rooted him to the spot, "Why were you there?"

"Me?" He didn't turn to look at her, "Wishful thinking, I guess."

"I don't know what that means. Wait!" She tugged him again as he tried to leave, and this time he looked back at her. Her porcelain face was tinged with pink as she said, "Don't leave."

He arched an eyebrow, "What?"

"Stay here…with me." The pink turned to red, "It's nothing dirty, I promise! I just…it would be nice not to be alone at least for one night."

For a moment he was going to say no, but then, not for the first time that night, his body moved without permission. He pulled the blankets back and slipped into the space next to her, both of them lying on their backs. He didn't know what it was about this girl, this Emcee, but she held some sort of power over him much like the other. Maybe it was the way that he recognized her pain and loneliness. Or maybe it was the way he felt like he needed to save her, because he himself couldn't be.

"I see it in you." She said quietly after he'd turned off the lights, "The pain. I saw it when our eyes met."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He whispered back.

She chuckled, but it was more sad than happy, "You don't fool me, Saeran. I know every trick in the book for putting up walls and diverting attention to myself, because I've used all of them. So I also know you were on the roof because you wanted to do the same thing as me."

"You're wrong."

"Am I?"

He turned onto his side to face her, "I don't want to kill myself."

"But you wonder what it be like if you did."

He was right, she was exactly like him. "So what if I do?"

He felt the bed shift as she turned to face him, too, "Then what's so bad about me wanting to?"

"Because no matter how much I think about it, I know that I can't. I already hurt too many people."

"Then that's where we're different, you and I." Her voice was light, "You have people you would hurt. I don't."

"That doesn't mean shit. It's an excuse."

Despite the room being dark, he could see the sadness in her eyes from the way she spoke, "Maybe it is."

They fell into silence after that, both of them turning to rest on their backs again. He finally heard her breathing turn to soft deep breaths, and knew she was asleep. With a sigh, he sat up and swung himself out of bed, carrying a pillow and blanket with him out the door.

He laid back against the couch, turning the TV on to drown out the silence and dark thoughts in his mind. Emcee had been nervous to take his bed, but the truth was that this was how he slept most nights. He couldn't stand the silence of his room at night, the nightmares of his mother ripping him awake with terror. So he resorted to sleeping on the couch, where the TV would keep him from drifting into too heavy of a sleep.

The excitement of the night's events kept him awake for a while longer, but eventually he managed to drift away. His dreams that night where filled with his usual desire for MC's love, but this time, if only for a brief moment, Emcee appeared in a gold ray of sunlight.


	2. Chapter 2

Only a few hours after falling asleep, Saeran opened his eyes to the soft glow of the kitchen light. The smell of something sweet assaulted his nose, and he sat up to see who was clanking around the pots and pans.

MC was desperately trying to keep quiet, but failing miserably, the evidence of her knowing etched all over the scrunched-up face she made every time she made a loud noise. Saeran chuckled to himself before rising to his feet. Sleeping on the couch had put a knot in his neck, so he was rubbing it as he padded to the kitchen.

Her back was to him as he said, "What are you making?"

She nearly jumped to the ceiling before whirling around with a beet red face, "Saeran! How many times have I told you to make some sort of noise when you're walking around! You're like a fricken ghost!"

He smiled sheepishly, pushing his fingers harder against his sore neck, "Sorry, MC, it's just a habit."

"Last time I checked, your brother sounds like a fighter jet powering up whenever he does anything." She said, placing the pan she'd been retrieving onto the island, "How is being so quiet habit for _you_?"

"If I wasn't quiet, our mother would punish me. She liked it when I pretended that I didn't exist." He explained nonchalantly, sliding onto a stool on the other side of the island.

MC's face clouded, "Oh Saeran, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring anything like that up."

He mentally slapped himself, "I didn't say it to make you feel bad. It's second nature for me."

"I know, I just don't want to make you think about that stuff when I'm here. I only want to make you feel happy and comfortable. You deserve that much." She smiled, tucking a stand of chestnut hair behind her ear, "I know you and Saeyoung have been through a lot, so I want to do my best to make you both feel loved."

Saeran's chest constricted as the overwhelming emotions he harbored for MC came flooding out. She was so perfect in everything that she said and did, that Saeran had difficulty understanding how she was even real. "MC," He quirked his lips into a small smile, "you don't have to try to do anything. Saeyoung and I are perfectly content with you just being around."

"Well I'm glad to hear that!" She smiled again before turning to check whatever was in the oven, "I also talked with Saeyoung this morning before he left, and he said that Emcee is more than welcome to stay here as long as you two decide who is sleeping where."

"Really?" He rested his chin in his hand, "Well, she can have my bed, I guess. Though the couch is doing a real number on my neck."

"Oh?" MC turned, wiping her hands on the pink apron tied loosely around her waist, "Are you okay?"

Saeran nodded, "I just have a knot that won't go away."

"Oh here, let me help!" MC moved around the island and reached out to him. Her fingers, so warm and soft, gently touched the spot his had been. They began to massage his neck, but Saeran tensed up as soon as they did. He inhaled sharply through his nose as electricity stemming from MC's fingers sent a shock through his body.

She took a step back, holding up her hands, "Right, the personal space thing, I'm sorry. I'm so used to your brother that I forget you don't like people touching you."

Great, he did it again. It was no wonder Saeyoung had won her affection. Saeran sighed, rubbing his eyes, "It's not…It's fine, MC. It's not your fault I'm so messed up."

"You're not messed up." She reached out, probably to put a hand on his forearm, but stopped herself, "You just went through something traumatizing."

"Then how come Saeyoung's so normal?" He asked, keeping his eyes closed, "How can he live without anyone looking at him like an outcast? The other members of the RFA still look at me like I'm Unknown."

MC sighed, lowering herself into the seat next to him so that she was facing him, "They do not, especially not Yoosung. He considers you a good friend now. And Saeyoung…went through a hard time too. When I first met him, he was in a very dark place like you, he just knew how to hide it."

 _I think I'm doing a pretty good job at that too, MC. You don't know the half of it._ Saeran though, but instead he said, "I know, I was monitoring your chats, remember?"

"Yeah, but I think sometimes everyone forgets that he was hurting, too." MC said, "I'm not saying that to make your problems seem insignificant, I'm just saying that he went through stuff, too. I don't think he's any more normal than you are. You just have a harder time expressing your emotions."

"Because the last time I did, I was abandoned," He finally opened his eyes to meet MC's gaze, "I don't want to lose anyone again. My entire life I felt like I was a burden to those around me, so forgive me, MC, for not wanting to share the things that made me lose the people I loved."

"But I want you to share them." She leaned forward, "You don't have to worry about anyone leaving you ever again, because Saeyoung and I will be right here, so you can tell us when you're having a hard time." She paused, and then continued, "Is that why you were gone so long yesterday?"

He looked away, "I just went for a walk."

"You told me you met Emcee on the roof of a building. Why were you there in the first place?"

Again, he didn't meet her gaze, "I just go up there to map the stars. You know I like astronomy."

"Saeran, you know I know when you're lying to me." She said, "Your brother might have believed that, but I won't."

"I'm telling the truth." He finally looked at her, at the worry in her eyes, and it made his heart beat faster, "There's new constellations coming up with the winter months. I went to go look at them."

"I still don't believe you." MC crossed her arms, "But I can't force you to tell me anything."

"What, did you think I went there to kill myself?" He muttered.

"You said it, not me."

He puffed some air out of his nose in a slight laugh, "If I haven't done it by now, then you shouldn't be worried. It would be a waste of time to kill myself now."

MC stood up to head to the oven again, "I don't know if I should take that as a good thing or a bad thing."

"I'm not going to kill myself, MC, so don't worry about it." He sighed, "I told you, I went up there to look at the constellations."

Her face said that she still didn't believe him, but she said, "Alright, fine."

A silence fell between them after that, and he watched as she bustled around the kitchen. He started to smell cinnamon, and thought that maybe she was making cinnamon rolls. He hated himself for making her feel bad again. He was really good at doing that. Looking down at his hands, and then up at MC, he longed for nothing more than to reach out and touch her, to take her into his arms and hold her against him. He could feel her arms slide around his waist, her breath warm against his neck, before her soft lips met his-

"Saeran!" He was snapped out of his daydream by MC waving her hand in front of his face, "Geez, I've been saying your name for the past thirty seconds."

"Sorry, what?"

"I made cinnamon rolls, want one?" She held up the pan of gooey pastries, "They're hot and fresh out of the oven!"

"Sure, I'll take one." He said, watching her shuffle two out onto separate plates. Then she sat next to him again, setting one plate in front of him, and they ate in comfortable silence.

Saeran felt guilty with himself for thinking about MC like that. She belonged to his brother, so it was wrong of him to have thoughts of her that way.

"You look sad."

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, stuffing a forkful of cinnamon roll into his mouth, "Hmm?"

"You look sad." She said again, "I mean, even more than usual. Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, MC." He reinforced his lie with a smile, "I promise."

Whatever she was going to say, was cut off by the sound of his door opening in the next room. They both turned to see a still-sleepy Emcee wandering out into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes, "W-what time is it?"

"Just a little after seven." MC answered.

The other girl's eyes widened, and she immediately woke all the way up, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so long!"

MC snorted, "When I sleep in, it's till at least eleven."

Emcee bowed slightly, "Thank you for letting me stay the night. I'll change into my other clothes quick and be on my way."

"Hold on, Emcee." Saeran called as she turned to head back to his room. He then looked at the one sitting next to him, urging her to explain the situation.

MC cleared her throat and stood up, "I spoke with my fiancé this morning before he left for work. All of us are more than happy to welcome you to stay here until you can get on your feet."

Emcee's face turned pink as she opened and closed her mouth, searching for words to say. Finally, she blurted, "You've already been so kind, I couldn't bother you even further-"

"Geez, what's with you two and feeling like you're bothering everyone?" MC smiled at Saeran, and then at Emcee, "When I told Saeyoung about where you are currently living, he immediately said you could stay here. Don't worry about it."

"And I already agreed to sleep on the couch." Saeran took a drink of water out of the glass he had gotten while eating with MC, "I wouldn't sleep right knowing you were in a place like that."

"So come and eat a cinnamon roll with us!" MC said cheerfully, "Later, I'm going to take some to Saeyoung, you can come with and then we'll go shopping for some clothes."

Emcee sat in the seat on the other side of Saeran, avoiding both of the others' gazes. She ate quietly, staring down at her plate, and suddenly he knew how she felt. He had done the same thing when first coming to stay with his brother. He remembered how out of place he felt amongst the warm smiles and kind gestures, after having made it his life's goal to destroy them.

"Don't look so down," He said quietly, "none of us think of you as intrusive."

"I just…" She looked up at him with her steel-grey gaze, "You don't even know me, yet you're welcoming me in just like that?"

"Are you going to kill us in our sleep?" He asked nonchalantly.

"No."

"Then I don't see what the big deal is." He shrugged, stuffing more cinnamon roll into his mouth.

Emcee seemed to brighten up little by little after that, helping the other MC clean up the mess she'd made in the kitchen. Saeran watched, but only because MC always swatted him away when he tried to help. Watching the new girl interact with the old was interesting. He was surprised to find that they were very similar in how they acted and spoke.

By the time they were done cleaning up, Emcee had a smile on her face. He chalked it up to MC's personality, able to win over even the shiest of people. "Okay," Emcee sighed, "I'm feeling a little better now that I made myself a little bit useful."

"Uh," MC rolled her eyes, "you sound so much like Saeran over there, that I want to puke."

"I do?" Emcee asked, glancing at him.

"Mhmm." MC leaned against the counter, "Both of you are so afraid to be a nuisance even though you're not."

"Psh." Saeran waved his hand, sipping his water, "When do you plan on visiting my brother?"

"Why, are you coming with?" MC asked.

"I thought about it?"

"In about an hour, probably. I told him I'd be there before his break time, but I'm going to take a nap first. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was so excited about Emcee. Oh!" MC grinned, "I wonder if this was how the rest of the RFA felt when I first joined."

"The RFA?" Emcee asked from her seat next to Saeran.

He glanced at her, "It's a private fundraising association that we're a part of. We hold parties to raise funds for various national and worldwide charities. My brother, who you'll meet later, is also a member."

"Wow, that's really great." Emcee said, and it was like Saeran could see stars in her eyes, "Is it just you guys, or are there more members?"

"Have you heard of the company C&R?" MC asked.

"Yep."

"The heir to the company, Jumin Han, and his assistant, Jaehee Kang, are members as well. Along with a college student, Yoosung, who was related to our late founder, Rika." MC explained. Saeran looked away from her as she spoke Rika's name, feeling the familiar wave of nausea in his stomach that accompanied the mere thought of that woman. It had been so long since he'd last seen her, but the wounds she inflicted were etched in deep, and he doubted he'd ever be able to hear her name without being sick. "The famous photographer, V, is now the head of the organization, and our last member is the musical actor, Zen."

Emcee made a noise in her throat, much like MC did when she saw the Bangtan Boys on TV, and put her hands to her cheeks, "Zen? THE Zen? Snow white hair, rubies for eyes, the smoothest skin I've ever seen in my life, and the most beautiful person in the world?"

"That's the one." MC said.

"I've been a fan of his ever since what happened with Echo Girl." Emcee dropped her gaze to her lap, eyes unreadable, "He was so brave about everything, and stood up for himself. I really admired him for that."

"Well you'll have to tell him sometime." MC put her hand on the door to her room, "I'm sure he'd love to hear that."

"Zen loves to hear anything about himself." Saeran muttered.

"Oh you be quiet, Zen depends on his looks quite a bit for showbiz, so naturally he would like compliments. I'll wake up in an hour, so we can go see Saeyoung then. Night!" MC pushed the door open, and then disappeared inside, leaving Saeran and Emcee alone in the kitchen.

"She's very nice." Emcee commented, "Your brother must be, too, if he's willing to let me stay here."

Saeran let a puff of air blow out of his nose, "Saeyoung was alone in this house for a large portion of his life, I'm sure he wouldn't mind housing the entire RFA."

"You two didn't live together?"

The question made his hands clench around the glass he was holding, "No, we got separated when we were younger. We just recently found each other again, thanks to MC."

He could tell from her momentary silence that she wanted to press further, but instead she only said, "Wow, she must really be something."

"Yeah," His voice was quiet, "she is." He could feel her eyes on him as he rose to his feet to rinse his cup out in the sink, "MC did a lot for the RFA."

"You sound really fond of her."

He turned his cool gaze on her, finding her tying her hair into a messy bun on top of her head, "She did a lot for my brother and I, too."

Emcee's face clouded at his icy tone, "I didn't mean anything…"

He sighed, looking away from her, "Don't take what I say to heart."

She watched him lean against the sink and fold his arms, resting her chin in her palm, "You're a very strange person, Saeran."

"So are you."

Emcee smiled, "Yeah, I suppose that's true."

"Why'd you live in that crack house?" He asked, "Don't you have any family?"

"I already told you, it's a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep. My parents died in a plane crash when I was younger, and I'm an only child. They both left their families to be together, so I don't even know who my grandparents, or aunts, or uncles are." The smile still never left her face, "I had a few friends I met on the streets, but they were in a gang and now they're long gone. I learned how to take care of myself."

Saeran tapped his index finger against his arm. This girl had been alone since she was young like he had been, but the difference between them, was that she had been strong while he was weak. Hell, he was still weak. "That's a sad story."

"Not really. I was never in any danger, and no one really ever bothered me. My gang friends kept me safe and bought me food a lot. They were really great. When you think of gangs, you think of bad things, but these guys actually helped people." She shrugged, "Anyway, I struggled, but I never found myself in pain."

"Then why try to kill yourself?"

Her eyes twinkled, "You're really intrigued by that, aren't you?"

"What can I say?" This time it was his turn to shrug, "You seemed sad last night, but explaining everything here sounds like just another story."

"Because it is." She looked down at the counter, "It's nothing I haven't come to terms with. All of it is in the past, and there's no use obsessing over it."

"You don't sound very upset about it."

"Not really."

"Then I don't understand." He was starting to get frustrated, "Why end your life like that if you're not sad about it?"

Emcee looked up at him, their gazes meeting, "Do I need to regret my life?"

He felt red painting his cheeks, "N…no, but I don't understand why you would want to end things for no reason."

"You just answered yourself."

"Now I'm even more confused."

Emcee leaned back in the chair, her gaze still trained on the counter, "There's no reason to be alive. I don't have a purpose in life. I wake up in the crack house, roam the streets for food and loose change, and go to sleep in the crack house. What kind of meaningful life is that?"

Saeran frowned, "Sounds like bullshit to me. That's all crap! You don't _have_ to live in the crack house, or look for food, or whatever you do. Maybe you should look for a job rather than handouts. You just sound like a whiny, lazy girl to me."

His biting words didn't seem to faze her, "What kind of employer hires someone who hasn't been able to shower in days, and looks like it? What kind of clothes would I wear to the interview?"

"At least you could say you tried." His gaze hardened, "Instead you just gave up."

"What about you?" She countered.

"What about me?"

"Why were you up on that roof, wishing you could do what I tried to?"

"Shh!" He hissed, lunging across the room, practically sprawling across the counter to hover his face inches from hers, "Don't ever say that out loud again!"

Emcee kept a cool head, despite looking surprised with his actions, "What? That you want to kill yourself but are too scared?"

"I said don't say that!" His hands gripped the edge of the counter, knuckles turning white with force, "If MC heard you…"

"So that's why you won't do it, then?" She asked, "Because of her?"

"You're really starting to piss me off." He felt his lips curl in anger, "I didn't press you for your story last night because I knew I hated it when people did it to me. I didn't pry, or try to pick your mind, or ask you incredibly personal things that I have no business knowing, I was civil to you, the least you could do is be civil back."

"But I gave you my story, didn't I?" Her tone was light.

"I didn't force you, did I?"

"No, but I thought if I gave you mine, you'd give me yours. You know, as a sign of confidence."

Saeran leaned back, finally, resting his full weight on his feet. He laughed humorlessly, looking out the window at the grey sky beyond. It looked as if it were going to rain. "No one knows the full story of my life but me. And that's how it will always be. I won't watch people pity me for the things that happened."

Emcee's prying, curious gaze softened, and she suddenly looked like the small girl he'd met the night before, "Sounds serious."

Saeran glanced at her, and then back out the window, "It was what it was. You're the one who said there's no use in lingering in the past."

"Can I ask you one last thing?" He arched an eyebrow, fixing her with his mint gaze in acceptance, "Are you too afraid to tell MC how you really feel each day because you love her, and you're too afraid she would treat you differently?"

"What…did you say?" He felt his fingertips go numb in fear, ice pricking the inside of his stomach, the same way it had when Rika came into the intelligence room holding the vial of blue poison each day. The memory was enough to make him nauseaus again, "Did you just ask me if I loved MC?"

"I didn't ask about that, because it's obvious."

"You're wrong." He was surprised with himself that he wasn't angry, "I'm not in love with MC. She's my brother's fiancé."

Emcee frowned, "No, not in love, you just love her. You know, like care about her for the way she helped you?"

His eyes widened, and he looked up to stare at her, "O-of course. I love MC as…a sister."

"Are you okay?" She asked, "You look like you're going to be sick."

Now that he knew she hadn't discovered his secret, he was left with the lasting effects of Rika's abuse. Not for the first time, he'd associated fear about mundane things to that of his time with Mint Eye. He could still see his Savior holding her hand out to him, but it wasn't to pick him up, it was to push him down into his darkness. The only light he'd seen for so many years was the glowing blue liquid of the elixir. "I'm fine." He croaked, bunching the fabric of his shirt as he clutched his chest, "Everything's fine. I'm safe here."

"Saeran?" Emcee clambered to her feet, moving around the island to touch his arm, "Maybe you should sit down."

His eyes were painfully wide, and she could see that they were delving into memories of the past. Whatever he was seeing at that moment, was far from the kitchen and Emcee. His fist still clung to the fabric of his black shirt, the other moving to grip his hair.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't think the question would make him react in this way. Was he angry that she said he loved MC? She didn't mean for him to take it as him trying to steal his brother's girlfriend. From the way he'd spoken about her, she knew he admired her a lot.

"Saeran, come on." She tried to guide him to the living room, but he remained rooted to the spot, "Should I get MC?"

This seemed to snap him out of it, because he turned his head to look at her, quickly saying, "No, don't wake her."

"Then let's go sit down." She urged, pushing him gently. He allowed her to take him to the living room, where he sat down on the couch he'd slept on the night before. He rested his elbows on his knees, his head sinking down into his hands.

Emcee knew she'd had a not-so-great life, but the boy sitting next to her seemed to have something all together different than her. Just what exactly had he been through to make him this way?

After a few minutes, he heaved a heavy sigh and picked his head up, blinking a few times. Leaning back against the couch, his panicked state practically melted into normalcy before her eyes. His light eyes flicked to hers, and then away, blush creeping up his neck, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" She asked.

He still wouldn't meet her gaze, "That doesn't usually happen. I haven't let myself slip since I came here. Your question just…caught me off guard."

"Still…that was a pretty bad anxiety attack." Emcee leaned forward, "Are you okay?"

"It wasn't an anxiety attack." He said defensively, "I don't have anxiety."

"Okay…" She tried to choose her words carefully, "You sure you're okay?"

He nodded, "Yeah, but can you do me a favor?"

"What?"

This time he looked at her, his eyes boring into hers with an intensity she hadn't seen from him, "Don't tell MC."

She bit the inside of her cheek, and, against her better judgement, said, "I won't."

"Thank you." He then closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch, repeating himself, "Thank you."

Not long after that, MC opened the door of her room, wandering out into the living room rubbing her eyes, much like the night before. She then flashed a brilliant smile, "Alright, are you cats ready to hit the road?"

Emcee felt her gaze fall to her lap, where she twiddled her thumbs together. She really didn't want the other woman to buy her clothes, not look for handouts as Saeran had suggested earlier. She still had _some_ dignity as a homeless woman.

"I see that frown, Emcee." MC said with a singsong voice, "No frowns allowed in my car. Express rules created by my fiancé."

Emcee glanced up at Saeran, who rolled his eyes, "I wish I could say she was making that up."

"It's just…I'm not looking for handouts." She mumbled, making Saeran shift, "I don't want you to do it because you pity me."

"Oh stop," MC waved her hand, "I'm doing it because there's no amount of soap that's going to get the stains and god-awful smell out of the clothes you came here in. No one in their right mind would let you wear those again. As a woman of fashion, it is my civil duty to buy you some new clothes."

"You might as well just give up." Saeran said, groaning as he got to his feet, and then held out his hand to pull her up, "MC is the most persistent human being on this earth."

Emcee met his gaze for the hundredth time that day as she reached for his hand. A silent exchange- an apology, and forgiveness, passed between them, but who was apologizing and who was forgiving was yet to be determined. He grasped her hand and pulled her to her feet, the motion causing her to step closer to him. He smelled like cinnamon rolls and body soap, and his own unique smell she'd breathed in the night before as she slept in his bed. She caught herself unbiddenly blushing, turning away from him before he could see.

"Let's go!" MC danced toward the kitchen, grabbing the cinnamon rolls for Saeyoung, and her purse and car keys. Saeran and Emcee trailed behind her, slipping into their jackets, one which was given to Emcee by the other MC. It was when she threw open the door to the garage and journeyed down the steps, that Emcee caught his sleeve, "Saeran?"

He looked at her with those mysterious mint green eyes, and she felt the blush creeping back.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so rude before." She said, "My behavior was uncalled for. Whatever you're dealing with is your business, not mine."

His face softened and he nodded, "We were both being assholes, so there's nothing to apologize for."

"Thanks." She said with a smile.

His lips quirked into what she supposed was his version of a smile, "Yeah, thanks."

"Are you two coming or what?" MC shouted from down in the garage, "Don't tell me you're flirting?"

"And just how do you think I would flirt, MC?" Saeran called, shuffling himself down the stairs.

"Good point, I don't think you could actually do it." MC grinned, putting a hand on her hip, "But it's nice to see you talking to someone besides the RFA for once."

Emcee didn't hear his reply as she fell in step behind the two. Watching his crimson-clad back as he walked, she wondered just who on earth this boy was to make her heart beat for the first time in a long time.

* * *

 ** _**Update** Thank you to TheAngelicPyro who let me know the chapter was all fricked up before! I owe you one, friend. I don't really know what that was about, but I'm convinced I'm in the second stage of demon possession, so maybe it's trying to mess with my computer too...you never know! Hopefully this chapter goes better!_**

 ** _Wow, so it's been a while! I do apologize, as I just came back from break a couple days ago. Oddly enough, I have way more free time in college than I do on breaks, so hopefully I'm back now!_**

 ** _I realize the beginning of this story is kind of slow, but we'll get there, so don't worry!_**

 ** _Also, I played the Ray Route and cried every single day of it._**

 ** _Here's my chapter TV playlist, because I didn't listen to music!_**

 ** _1._** ** _Catfish_**

 ** _That's literally it. I'm a Catfish junkie. It's kind of a problem, because I've seen literally every_** ** _single episode. Some of them more than two times…oh well._**

 ** _Now that the Ray Route is out, I may incorporate some of the things that happened since it's still early in the story. However, this is largely based on the 707 Route, because most of the story line I have in my head is good and I don't want to change it. If I do write anything from the Ray Route, I'll for sure post a spoiler warning before the chapter, because I realize 250 hourglasses is pretty steep!_**

 ** _As always, thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and followed, especially after such a long absence! You guys rock!_**

 ** _Until next time!_**


	3. Chapter 3

"MC! You said you'd buy me the cheapest clothes you could find!"

MC chuckled darkly from her perch next to Saeran, watching as the other girl poked her head out of the changing room, face red with embarrassment, "Oh honey, these are the cheapest clothes in the store."

Saeran, MC, and Emcee had made a pit stop at the mall before going to see Saeyoung at C&R. MC had promised to buy the other some cheap clothes, and she intended to make good on it. However, when MC said she'd buy the cheapest clothes she could find, she neglected to say that the store she usually shopped at was the most expensive in the mall.

"What kind of place _is_ this?" Emcee asked exasperatedly, "A hundred dollars for a sweater? I could get one at Walworth for a fourth of this!"

"MC only believes in shopping for food at Walworth." Saeran spoke up, "She has a sick desire for the finer things in life."

MC stuck out her tongue at him, "So I'm slightly materialistic when it comes to clothes, what's the harm in that? I can afford it, so I might as well, right?"

The curtain of the changing room fluttered open, and Emcee stepped out wearing a pair of black leggings and a maroon sweater that fell to just below her bottom. Her porcelain cheeks flushed with pink, making her look almost like a doll in that outfit.

Saeran felt something stir in his stomach, and he shifted. Hopefully he wasn't getting sick.

"Does this look okay?" Emcee asked quietly, looking shyly at herself in the mirror.

"Okay?" MC grinned at her in the mirror, standing behind her and smoothing the sweater, "You look hot, girl! Who would have known this babe was underneath all that dirt last night?"

Emcee's pink cheeks flushed red, "O-oh, does that mean it looks good? No one's ever said that before."

"It looks great on you, Emcee. Saeran, what do you think?" MC asked, turning her head to give him a wink.

He sighed, rocking forward out of his plush chair to easily stand on his feet, gliding to where the two girls stood. Putting a hand to his chin, he squinted his eyes as if putting in real thought to the clothes Emcee was wearing. In truth, they were just clothes to him, but they _did_ look better than any of the ones she'd worn so far. MC was also correct in saying she was very beautiful compared to the state she was in when he'd first met her. "It suits you." He said simply.

Emcee looked at him in the mirror, her grey eyes suddenly brightening, "Really, you think so?"

"The maroon looks good with your dark hair."

"Then is it okay to buy this outfit, MC?" Her gaze shifted to the other woman.

MC grinned, "O-ho, this is only one of many that I'm buying you."

"We didn't agree to that!"

"Technically we didn't put a limit on how much I bought you, only that it was the cheapest clothes I could find."

"You should be a lawyer." Emcee muttered.

Saeran smiled to himself as Emcee retreated back to the fitting room, and then fixed MC with his cool gaze, "If you two are going to be a while yet, mind if I go to a different store?"

"Sure, where are you going?"

He shrugged, "Yoosung's been going on and on about a limited-edition expansion pack for LOLOL, and I know they're selling it at Game Go. I thought I'd buy it for him while I was here."

"Aw, that's so nice of you, Saeran." MC smiled, "Sure go ahead, we'll wait here for you if we finish before you get back."

He nodded, "Sounds good."

Stuffing his hands in the pocket of his red jacket, he headed for the exit of the store. The mall was busier than he thought it would be, and he suddenly felt the urge to curl up into a ball and squeeze his eyes shut. Whenever MC asked him to go to the mall, he always agreed, because the thought of her going alone made him anxious. He would almost always force his usual smile, keeping his hands stuffed inside his pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking, because he knew she liked the mall. He hated it. He hated going to the mall where there were so many people. He hated it when people touched him, whether it be by accident or not. The occasional brush up was something he could tolerate, but the fact that there were so many people made him nervous. He didn't know what it was, but large amounts of people made his palms begin to sweat, and his hands would tremble. His heart would start to pound as if he'd run a marathon, and his skin would crawl with the thought of so many people turning their eyes on him.

Like he was an insect.

He kept his gaze trained on the ground in front of him, making sure to step out of the way long before someone would pass him. Finally, he arrived at Game Go, thankfully without incident, and searched for the LOLOL section. Yoosung had drug him to the store dozens of times, so he knew to go all the way to the back of the store, in the right corner.

Just as Yoosung had said, there were a few sets left for the expansion packs. He reached out to grab one, but instead, his hand brushed up against another. Immediately he pulled his hand away, as if he'd been stung, and turned his head in surprise to find a girl with blonde hair pulled into a ponytail.

"Oh, sorry! Where you going to grab that one?" She asked, holding out the expansion pack for him to take.

He glanced at it, and then took the one that was still on the shelf, "It's fine."

She retracted her arm to hold her pack against her chest, "So, you play LOLOL?"

"It's for my friend." He said curtly, hiding his mouth and nose in the lip of his jacket.

"Oh…"

They stood in an awkward silence, and he wondered why she didn't just leave. He looked through some plushies, glancing at the girl, who was still looking at him. After a few more moments, he cleared his throat and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just…" She fiddled with the edge of her skirt, "Do you dye your hair?"

What was the point of this conversation? Why did she feel the need to keep bothering him?

"No, I don't."

"What, really? That's natural?"

He glared at her, "Yeah, so what?"

"I've never seen someone with bright hair like that, that's natural." She reached her hand out to catch the tips of his hair in her fingers, "And your mint eyes-"

Mint Eye.

He slapped her arm away, taking a sudden step back, and shouted, "Don't touch me!"

A few people in the store turned to see what the commotion was as he brushed past the girl, who looked shocked. As he passed her, she frowned and said, "I was just trying to talk to you! You don't need to be so rude!"

"I didn't ask you to talk to me." He said without looking at her, "I don't even know you."

He placed the expansion pack on the counter, and one of the clerks came to check him out. The girl rounded the corner to cross her arms, placing her expansion pack on the rack next to her, "I was trying to be nice."

"Hey man, you good?" The clerk said under his breath as he put the pack in a bag.

"Yeah," Saeran said, nervously patting his fingers against his leg.

"Is this because I touched your hair?" She asked, "Geez, sorry, I didn't know you were a pansy about your hair-"

The clerk handed Saeran his bag, and he turned to leave the store without another word. His steps were quicker this time, and he only paid half attention to the people around him. He couldn't get the thought of her fingers in his hair out of his mind. It sent a shiver down his spine.

 _"You worthless, worthless boy!"_

Saeran squeezed his eyes shut. _Please. Not again. This is supposed to be over._

 _"Mom, please! I-it hurts!"_

 _Her grip on his hair tightened as she lifted him off the floor, "I should tear this hair right out of your head, you good-for-nothing leech. All you do is mooch off of me. Even your own brother couldn't tolerate you. Why do you think he left?"_

 _His small hands gripped her wrist as tears poured down his cheeks, "I'm sorry, I won't make any more noise, I promise!"_

 _"You're damn right you won't!" His mother screamed. He felt himself gliding through the air before his mother's fist untangled from his hair. For a moment he was relieved, until his small, fragile body crashed into the wall. His head hit hard, and he collapsed into a heap onto the floor._

 _The room was spinning, but he could still make out the figure of his mother reaching toward him. He flinched, and the fist returned, dragging him across the room by his hair. He wanted to cry out, but the fuzziness of his head wouldn't allow him._

 _She let him go again, and the familiar coolness of iron locked around his ankles. "You stupid airhead," His mother's voice was cold, "I wish you would just die already. Saeran! SAERAN-!"_

"Saeran!"

His eyes snapped open and he lurched away from the person standing in front of him. Slowly he became aware that he was standing in the middle of the mall, his hands covering his ears as if to block out what his mind was making him hear.

MC and Emcee were standing in front of him, concern etched into their expression. He grit his teeth together, ashamed with himself that he would make them look like that. MC stepped toward him, "Hey, Saeran? You're okay, you're here with me."

"I-I'm sorry, MC." He said quietly, letting the bag with the expansion pack dangle at his side, "I'm just tired."

"Then let's go home." MC said, "Saeyoung can wait for his cinnamon rolls."

Saeran shook his head, "No, I'm okay. I'm okay."

"I don't want to push you. It still hasn't been that long since…" She trailed off, but he knew what those unsaid words were.

He shook his head and took a deep breath, turning to look at Emcee, "How much did she talk you into buying?"

"Saeran, don't just let this go. You need to talk about it-"

"More than I actually needed," Emcee cut her off, meeting his gaze with a knowing glint, "she even made me wear the maroon sweater outfit before we left. I told her I'd just change in the bathroom, but she insisted."

He pulled his lips into a smile, "Why does that sound like what you made me do?"

MC was still frowning, but she crossed her arms, "Because you might as well just change in the changing room while you're still undressed."

They all headed toward the exit to the parking lot, and Emcee fell in step next to him, "Did you get the expansion pack?"

He held up the bag, "Yoosung better be appreciative."

"I'm sure he will be." Emcee said, and then quietly, "Did something happen?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Not everyone has psychological break downs in the middle of the mall." She held the door open for him as MC went first, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just…" For a moment he almost told her. For the first time, he wanted to let what he was feeling slip. He hadn't even wanted to tell MC. But instead, he simply shook his head, "I'm just really tired."

"Why don't you sleep in your bed tonight. I'll sleep on the couch."

He slowed their pace, so MC wouldn't hear him say, "That won't matter. I don't sleep because of my head, not because of what I sleep on. I used to sleep in a computer chair, so a couch is nothing."

Emcee's face was sympathetic, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it."

"If you say so."

They clambered into MC's car, which was much too impracticable for riding with three people. He found himself ducking low in the back seat as MC and Emcee chatted in the front. As they drove along, he could feel the beginnings of a migraine forming in the back of his eyes. He hadn't had one since the effects of the elixir had finally worn off. Before that, the withdrawals had been antagonizing torture. Perhaps it would be a normal headache, and he found himself hoping that's all it was.

They pulled into C&R's parking lot, and once MC parked, journeyed inside the building. They took the elevator up to the top floor, where Jumin, Jaehee, and Saeyoung worked. Ever since what happened with Mint Eye, Saeyoung had been working closely with Jumin's intelligence unit, which he had kept around to research other organizations that could have been like Rika's. He was still hacking, but it wasn't for illegal activities like his previous job.

Once they stepped out of the elevator, they were greeted by a security guard who held up his hand for them to stop, "Passes please."

"Passes?" MC asked, "I never needed one before."

The security guard put his hands on his hips, "Then whoever you talked to before didn't do their job right. I can't permit you to come any further unless you have a pass."

"Uh…" MC looked disappointed, "Then, could you give these cinnamon rolls to-"

"Oh!" The security guard was facing Saeran, "Saeyoung, sir, please forgive me for holding you up. I didn't see you back there. Are you with these women?"

Saeran shifted uncomfortably, looking away from him, "Who? Me?"

"Of course! I didn't see you leave, sir, but you do always try to play pranks on me…"

"I'm not Saeyoung." Saeran muttered.

The security guard looked exhausted, "Is…this another prank, sir? It's not working."

"My name is Saeran, Saeyoung is my idiot brother. We came to bring him something during his break." Saeran explained.

The security guard still looked cautious, but he crossed his arms, "So…you don't have a pass?"

"We already told you we don't have a pass." Saeran snapped, the pressure in his head building increasingly from when he had left the car, "Can't you phone Saeyoung or Jaehee or something?" He rubbed his forehead, gritting his teeth at the pain.

"Hmm, normally I wouldn't, but…wait right here." The guard went to the desk he had been seated behind when they arrived, and picked up the phone.

"Saeran, are you okay?" Emcee asked quietly, "You seem agitated."

"If he was going to phone someone, why didn't he do it right away instead of wasting time?" He snapped.

"He wasn't going to until he saw you, I think." MC said.

He sighed, rolling his neck and keeping his eyes half lidded to filter the amount of bright light, "I just hope Saeyoung hurries the hell up."

Emcee looked like she was about to say something, but the security guard came back and bowed, "My apologies, Mr. Choi has asked me to escort you to his office."

They followed him through a set of double doors, and through a room lined with offices. Phones ringing and people talking made up most of the sounds of C&R's top floor, but the security guard lead them further into a different room. From there, he stopped at a steel-enforced door holding up an ID card, looked up at a camera above him, and then held still for a retina scan, before the door clicked open. He pushed it with his shoulder, and held it open for them to pass through, "His office is all the way at the end of the hall on your right."

"Thank you." MC said and then looked at Saeran, "They stepped up security since the last time we were here. Do you think something happened?"

He shrugged, "Maybe."

"Just what exactly does Saeyoung do?" Emcee asked cautiously, "This seems pretty intense."

"He's the head executive for the intelligence unit here at C&R." MC answered as they strolled down the dark hallway, "He handles everything with security, and researches different organizations that could be a threat to C&R."

"Wow, that's really cool!" Emcee exclaimed, "The RFA seems like it's full of really important people."

MC looked genuinely happy at that, "Oh, it definitely is." She then reached up to knock on the door the security guard had mentioned.

"Jumin, I swear, if this is another visit about your stupid suite jacket, I already told you-" A man, nearly identical to Saeran opened the door, peering at the three through wild yellow striped glasses, "MC!"

He wrapped her into an embrace while she laughed, "Hey babe, I brought you cinnamon rolls!"

Pulling away from her, he took them and grinned, "You are the literal best."

"I know." She winked.

Saeyoung's golden gaze traveled to Emcee, who was staring between him and Saeran in amazement. With a smile, he said, "So, this must be the infamous, MC!"

"Infamous." She muttered, "That doesn't sound too good."

He stepped aside and ushered them in, saying, "I'm just kidding! It's nice to meet you, but kind of weird calling you by the same name as my fiancé."

"It's been an experience." Emcee said, sheepishly scratching the back of her head, "Maybe I'll need to come up with a nickname."

"Oh," Saeyoung's glasses glinted, and he put a finger to his chin, "leave that to me! I'll come up with something fitting."

"Babe, you're not very good at nicknames." MC said from her seat at the table in the corner of the room. She'd already taken out a cinnamon roll.

"How could you say that?" He feigned hurt, dramatically fainting into her lap, "I'm the master of nicknames! But I've also heard of the master of nicknames! He runs a generator online, but will personally come up with a nickname if you email him. We should invite him to the next party."

"I'll make note of that." MC said, pulling out her phone to type something into it.

"You mean the fundraising party?" Emcee asked.

"You betchya!" He sat down in the chair next to MC, taking a cinnamon roll out of the container, "Honestly, I can't believe you two got my brother to come with."

"You act like I don't have legs." Saeran muttered from where he leaned against the wall, forehead resting against his fingers.

"Something wrong, bro?" Saeyoung asked.

"Everyone keeps asking, no matter how many times I say I'm fine."

"Okay, okay," Saeyoung stuffed some of his pastry into his mouth, "sorry I wanted to make sure you weren't sick. You look pretty pale."

"Saeyoung." He said it warningly.

The other twin held up his hands in surrender.

Emcee chuckled, "You know, you two look so much alike that it's scary. If Saeran wasn't a little bit shorter, I might have a hard time telling you apart."

Saeyoung stood up, moving around the table to sling an arm around Saeran's shoulders, "That's right! We're two halves of a whole idiot!"

"I think you more than make up for my half." Saeran muttered.

"I still can't get over it." Emcee laughed, "If it weren't for Saeran's mint eyes and being shorter-"

Saeran suddenly tensed up, making Saeyoung's playful gaze snap to his brother, "We get it, you wouldn't be able to tell us apart." He snapped, and then left the room in silence.

"…Did I say something wrong?" Emcee asked, suddenly feeling like she'd done something bad.

MC sighed, but Saeyoung was the one who answered, "No, Emcee, you didn't. You wouldn't know the things that set him off. I guess I'll just tell you that from now on, it's best not to reference the color of his eyes…okay?"

"The color of his eyes?" Emcee asked, "You mean mint color?"

"Yeah," MC smiled reassuringly, "It's a really long story. Saeran just…he's been through a lot of terrible things, and certain words trigger those memories for him. Mint eye is one of them."

"Oh…I didn't know…" Emcee bit her lip, "I should go talk to him."

"You don't have to," Saeyoung returned to his seat, "He's got his feathers all ruffled, so he'll probably end up saying something dumb and making you feel bad."

"No, I want to go apologize, I'll be back." She stood up and entered the hallway, where she saw Saeran getting a drink from the water fountain. With a deep breath, she stepped forward until she was next to him, "Saeran?"

He stopped drinking, but was still bent over, "What?"

"I-I'm sorry for saying that. I didn't know it was upsetting to you."

"There you go again." He sighed, straightening his back, but his shoulders were slumped, "Stop saying sorry for something you don't need to be. I overreacted to what you said when you wouldn't even know what it meant."

"MC and Saeyoung said it brings up bad memories…"

"Yeah," he said quietly, swaying on his feet, "I feel pathetic for letting things like that still get to me." His words were slightly slurred, raising suspicion.

"Saeran, look at me." She said, and, to her surprise, he did. His eyes were squinted shut, like someone was holding a flashlight up to his face, which was as white as a sheet, "Are you okay?"

"I swear, if someone asks me that one more time-" He swayed dangerously forward, and Emcee put her hands on his shoulders to steady him. Once again, he pressed his fingertips to his forehead, "My head hurts, that's all."

"It doesn't look that simple." She said, "You should sit down."

"Yeah, maybe I should." He mumbled, and slumped forward. She caught him under his arms, squeaking once in surprise.

"Saeran?" She asked, glancing at the back of his head, which was pressed against her shoulder, out of the corner of her eye, "Saeran, are you okay?"

When there was no answer, she drug him down the hall to Saeyoung's office. He was surprisingly light. Juggling with the doorknob, she finally turned it and kicked the door in, "Hey, someone help!"

Saeyoung was the first to the door, his eyes running over Saeran's body in worry, "What happened?"

"He said his head hurt, and then he just collapsed." Emcee tried not to let the worry creep into her voice, but she couldn't help the way her hands trembled against his back.

"His head hurt?" Saeyoung said it half to himself, and then looked at MC, "Did he have any episodes lately? Aside from the mint eye thing?"

MC bit her lip, rising to her feet, "At the mall we found him standing in the middle of the place with his eyes closed and his hands covering his ears. It took a little bit to get him to come-to. He told me he was okay."

Saeyoung drug a hand through his hair, and then said, "I'll take the rest of the day off. We need to get him home and into a cold bath."

"A cold bath?" Emcee asked, still supporting his full body weight.

"It's what the doctors told us to do when the withdrawals kicked in." Saeyoung finally picked up his brother, carrying him on his back, "It helped back then, so maybe it will now."

They left the office and met a man with black hair and a black suit in the main room. He looked slightly concerned, and exchanged brief words with Saeyoung, before the four got into the elevator. It was silent on the ride down, and Saeyoung split away from them as he left for his car, "I'll meet you two at home."

Once in the car and on the way back to their house, Emcee glanced at MC, who's face was set with worry, "MC? Can I ask you something?"

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

"What did Saeyoung mean 'withdrawals'?" She asked, "Was he a drug addict?"

"Not by choice, and not the type of addict you would think." MC glanced at her sympathetically, "I told you before it was a long story, but now it sort of looks like I have to tell it to you. Before I do, I want to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"We haven't even known you for a day, but I've already noticed a slight change in Saeran. He usually doesn't go out of his way to talk to people he doesn't know. It's one of his anxieties." MC said, steering the car around a corner, "So when he brought you home, I was really shocked. And he talks to you like he's known you for a long time. It's something I never expected him to do, and I still can't figure out why he did it, but I want to ask you…after I tell you the story, please don't look at him differently. Don't treat him differently. He knows when someone's attitude toward him changes. He's spent his whole life conforming and changing himself to the way that someone wanted him to be, that he doesn't know how to be himself. By doing so, he picks up on such minute things and blames himself for them. His biggest fear is that someone will pity him, and treat him like he's a fragile human being. He is. He is very fragile, I feel like sometimes just one wrong word will break him, and it looks like it did."

"It was my fault-"

"No it wasn't." MC said it forcefully, "Something happened at the mall, and he's too stubborn to tell someone when he's hurting. He's still so afraid of being abandoned again…"

"Again?"

"First…do you promise?"

"Promise?"

"That you won't treat him differently?"

Emcee looked at her, and then nodded, "I promise."

* * *

 ** _Guys, GUYS, I'm watching Olympic Figure Skating while writing this, and I am SO HYPED for Yuzuru Hanyu! T_T I fricken LOVE Yuzu! I want to root for Nathan Chen, because I've also watched his journey to the Olympics, but my love for Yuzu overshadows him… T_T_**

 ** _Thanks again to TheAngelicPryo for letting me know my last chapter was frickle-fracked!_**

 ** _Lexee: wow, I'm super happy my story could grab your attention again! That's one of my favorite compliments as an author, so I hope you continue to enjoy what I write!_**

 ** _MyobiXHitachiin: I am very rusty on my Spanish, so I'm sorry if this is terrible: La ruta de Ray era demasiado triste! Rompió mi corazón también! Quería que Saeran tuviera un MC diferente del habitual, así es como nació el Emcee! De nuevo, si esto es mal español, me disculpo! Ha pasado mucho tiempo!_**

 ** _xGuiltyXGigglesx03: Thank you! I also thought Emcee was a bit funny, because I had a dream that I was writing a fanfiction, but I couldn't remember how to spell MC (it's literally two letters, but okay, dream-biggy), so I just spelled it Emcee. So there's the back story for my idea!_**

 ** _Usually I have my chapter playlist, but today I'm watching figure skating and my husband, Yuzu…so there's no playlist today!_**

 ** _I've also incorporated a super, SUPER, suuuuuper small detail that shows that Saeran is already liking our Emcee. I wonder if anyone can pick it out? I'm only stating this, because it could easily be looked at as a mistake or discrepancy against something…hmm…_**

 ** _As always, thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, and followed this story so far, you guys rock!_**

 ** _Until next time!_**


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